How to pick the “right” therapist?

So, you’ve decided to start therapy. First of all, congratulations! That’s a huge and brave step.

Second of all, you’ve probably realized that finding the right therapist can feel a bit like online dating.

Except instead of looking for a date, you’re looking for someone to hold space while you might cry, vent, reflect, and occasionally laugh with.

The good news? The right therapist for you is out there. Here are some tips to find them with a little more ease.

1. Know Your Needs (and Your Non-Negotiables)

Before you start searching, think about what you actually want from therapy.

• Do you want someone who specializes in anxiety, trauma, relationships, or a specific approach?

• Do you prefer a certain gender, cultural background, or communication style?

• Are you looking for someone who’ll gently challenge you, or someone who’ll mostly listen and support? Or Both?

This isn’t about being picky; it’s about finding someone who feels like a good fit for you.

2. Check Their Approach (a.k.a. Their “Therapy Personality”)

Therapists are humans too, and we all have our own style. Some are more structured, giving you worksheets and homework. Others are more exploratory, letting conversations flow and following your lead.

If you’re the kind of person who needs a clear plan, you might not vibe with someone whose motto is, “Let’s just see where the wind takes us.” And vice versa.

3. Read Their Website… Then Read Between the Lines

Does their “About Me” page make you feel safe and understood? Do they sound like someone you could imagine telling your life story to? If their bio reads like someone who triggers, they might not be your person.

4. Try a Consultation (Think: Coffee Date Vibes)

Many therapists offer a short phone or video consultation. This is your chance to see how you click, with no commitment and no pressure. Notice how you feel talking to them. Relaxed? Heard? A little lighter afterward? That’s a good sign.

5. Trust Your Gut (Seriously)

Therapy is about connection. You could pick the most qualified therapist in the world, but if you don’t feel safe opening up to them, it won’t work. Pay attention to your instincts.

Choosing a therapist isn’t about finding “the perfect human.” It’s about finding someone you feel comfortable being your imperfect human self with. And remember, you’re allowed to change therapists if something doesn’t feel right. The right fit is out there, and when you find them, you’ll know.